Food & Drink

The gifted chef, storyteller, and writer Anthony Bourdain once prepared a stunt turkey and a business turkey for his holiday meal.  The “stunt” turkey is intended to impress guests, while the “business” bird is carved in the kitchen and ready for plating. Bourdain’s instructions from a 2016 Food and Wine article are as follows: roast and artfully arrange a small turkey, using any and all manner of garnishes and props, including (but not limited to): chop frills, rainbow pinwheels of skewered citrus fruit slices, maraschino cherries, curly kale, lit sparklers, and crisp, new $100 bills and/or gold leaf.  While guests admire your artistry (and drink your Burgundy), carve the larger, roasted business turkey in the kitchen (see photos and more in his 2016 cook book Appetites). You can use the stunt turkey to supplement the meal as needed, or for day-after leftovers. You can also utilize a stunt turkey for aromatic atmosphere as we have done when not serving turkey.  With this trick, the house smells holiday appropriate and we have turkey sandwiches the next day.  Or, fake it completely with a perfectly bronzed inflatable turkey (brought to you by the fine folks at Archie McPhee [see tips & resources page]) that is always-picture-perfect and definitely a show-stopper for those less confident culinary hosts.

I’m not sure what happens at your holiday get-togethers, but we always have lots of food, I mean waaay too much food.  Some families only serve a couple of appetizers before the big meal.  Not us.  The appetizers are the best part of any holiday celebration and our family not not disappoint.  Snacking begins the moment you arrive at your holiday destination and doesn’t stop until everyone is passed out on the couch.  Uncle Joey brings that huge platter of antipasto, Aunt Janice hauls out her tupperware containers of powdered-sugar-covered (puppy chow) and caramel-coated (school fuel) chex mixes and the bowls of chips, dips, plates of cheeses and crackers cover every flat surface available...it's quite insane.  When the actual meal is ready to be served, no one is really hungry, but we eat anyway, don't we?  One Thankshallowxmas we mixed it up by skipping the traditional turkey dinner and served all our favorite appetizers as both appetizers as well as the main meal.  It was like a kid's birthday party for adults.  From pot stickers and egg rolls to mini corn dogs and mozzarella sticks, it was a definitely a memorable feast complete with all the carbs and fat of a traditional turkey or ham dinner. 

These cheesy fingers are a family favorite anytime of the year. The fact that they are digitally-shaped makes them taste even better. There are many recipes out there, even using peanut butter for a more cookie-like finger.  Our version is with cheese, a recipe from an old McCall's Magazine.  

Dracula's Fingers

• 1 c. shredded cheddar 
• 1/2 c. sliced almonds + 28 unbroken sliced almonds with skin
• 1 tsp. red pepper flakes
• 1 c. unsifted all-purpose flour
• 3/4 c. grated Parmesan
• 1/3 c. lightly salted cold butter, cut into pieces
• 8 drops blue food color
• 1 egg white, lightly beaten

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. 

In processor, finely chop cheddar cheese, 1/2 c. sliced almonds and  pepper.  Add flour and Parmesan; process 15 seconds to combine. Blend in butter and coloring until dough is smooth and evenly pale green.  Remove from processor.  Using scant Tbsp. dough for each finger, roll into 28 ropes; shape into fingers.  Place on ungreased baking sheet and brush with egg white; press a sliced almond onto each for a fingernail.  Bake 10 minutes, until bottoms are lightly browned.  Cool on rack, then eat them up.

We all strive for that beautifully bronzed turkey, deliciously roasted with all the expected sides but it’s time-consuming and many things have the potential for failure.  This beautifully bronzed turkey prop looks good enough to eat and is available from the weird and wonderful Archie McPhee.  Useful as the perfect Thankshallowxmas table centerpiece along with some skulls and santas as well as the designated inflatable for the after-dinner football game.

This culinary masterpiece is not only delicious (hint, the skin is kneaded caramels) but makes for a great group activity as it is quite labor intensive.  The skill level set ranges from super easy unwrapping caramels to cutting pound cake into cubes to shaping cake and coloring coconut.  The small marzipan fruits (shown here) are store-bought but you could also easily make them yourself.  Get the recipe and a step-by-step instruction video here at the Parade website. 

Try the other "green" meat with an edible insect challenge.  These farm-raised insects come in delectable flavors including sour cream and onion and BBQ.  Pair with Larvettes, Scorpion Suckers or Salted Zebra Tarantula, all available at the meat and alternative snack food site Meat Maniac.  Too extreme?  Then, peruse the international section at your grocery store, or, if you are lucky enough to live in a bigger city, the local Indian, Asia or Mexican food store to pick up new-to-you foods for your next Thankshallowxmas food challenge.

 One of the great perks of Thankshallowxmas is you are free to creatively mix up food and snacks typically served at calendar designated holidays.  Halloween candy, Xmas cookies, and pumpkin pie are all viable contenders.  These risque cookies are super easy,  just roll out a little (or a lot of) extra dough to make your snowmen anatomically correct.

Get your meat and potatoes all in one dish with this retro recipe from a 1961 Borden's Instant Mashed Potatoes ad in Life Magazine. For the meat-crust, combine 1/3 c. tomato sauce, 1/2 c. bread crumbs, 1/2 c. chopped onion, 1 tsp. salt, 1/8 tsp. pepper and 1 lb. ground beef. Pat into bottom of a 9" pie plate. For the filling, whip 1, 8-serving package instant potato flakes, 3 c. water, 1 c. milk, 1 1/2 tbs. butter and 1 tsp. salt into a drift of light and fluffy potatoes,  pile them into the meat crust, sprinkle with parmesan and romano cheese and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Fast and easy dinner-in-a-dish!

Margaritas are just as delicious in the cooler months, especially if your Thankshallowxmas host house is hotter than six shades of hades.  This is the best frozen cranberry margarita recipe, but if tequila is not your liquor of choice, vodka or gin may be substituted.  Or, omit the alcohol altogether for a "Shirley Temple" version of this fun, festive and cool holiday drink. 

Did you know there is such a thing as black vodka?  Of course, it's easy to make with food coloring but Aunt Carol will not be too happy with her permanently-stained partials.  There are only a handful of black vodkas on the market today. The biggest here in North America is Blavod, which uses black catechu as its coloring agent.  Catechu is an extract from the Acacia shrub, which is distilled by boiling the wood in water and evaporating the resultant brew.  Sounds delicious!  For cocktail recipes such as the Screwed up Screwdriver or Berry Scary Martini go to Make Me a Cocktail, one of the world's best cocktail resources.

  While the concept of mocktails is not new, there has been a recent trend in reducing or eliminating altogether alcohol consumption beyond “Dry January." Health is the top motivator as people are shifting to focus more on moderation and their overall well-being. Luckily, the sober curious movement doesn’t have to crush your holiday drink menu as mixologists have created delicious new non-alcoholic drink recipes to get your party on, hangover-free. The folks at Curious Elixirs sell booze- and sugar-free spins on classic cocktails such as the Negroni, the Margarita and the Collins. There are also several sites that offer DIY mocktail recipes such as The Spruce Eats (FYI-their Holiday Pomegranate Mojito is not only delicious but aesthetically pleasing as well) and Town & Country (that Rosemary Pucker drink is delish!).  In addition to no more morning-after holiday headaches, removing alcohol can often lead to increased energy, improved mental clarity, better sleep, and even weight loss due to the reduction in calories from alcohol. You'll also never have to wake up and realize you sent your crazy cousin the “I just wanted to tell you how I feel about what you said at dinner…” text at 3 a.m.).

I know, I know, don't mess around with the holiday staple.  Truth is, there's just no comparison between canned mushroom soup and homemade sauce (hello heavy cream!).  Try a fresh take on everyone's favorite holiday side dish by skipping the canned soup and fried onions.  This recipe does just that and also uses crispy leeks for the topping--yum.

Tired of turkey as the centerpiece of your holiday meal? Try the other comfort food - feetloaf.  Yes, that onion is supposed to be the severed ankle bone.  Go here for the recipe and instructional video to create this totally gross (and super tasty) meat masterpiece.

Okay, so Thankshallowxmas has been celebrated and you still have guests in the house for the next day or days.  A fondue party is fun and easy to put together.  If you don't have a fondue pot, borrow one, or several - one for cheese, one for oil (or broth) and one for chocolate. Check out this website devoted to all things fondue including recipes.

Whoever decided to combine rice krispie treats with swedish fish is my hero. This dessert was a big hit one Thankshallowxmas after our Thai-themed meal (think coconut soup, pad-Thai, chicken satay, fried rice, etc.). There are many variations out there on the internets but this recipe is the one 

I use from The Spruce Eats. 

Bingeing on cake or some other extremely sweet, gooey, comfort food to deal with stress, discomfort, or anger has become part of our current vernacular after Tina Fey's SNL sheet-caking skit.  Instead of pies - pumpkin, mince meat or pecan - choose cake this Thankshallowxmas.  Bake (or buy) a variety of flavors and colors to heal any potential holiday angst.  

 If you grew up in the 1960s, chances are you definitely had a few TV Dinners — if you were lucky, maybe one with the chocolate brownie.  Before there was Lean Cuisine and Marie Callender, there was Swanson (c. 1953) and yes, these delectable meals are still available in the frozen food isle.  The TV Dinners originally sold for 89 cents and included turkey, gravy, cornbread dressing, whipped sweet potatoes and peas.   In today's version, the turkey is served with gravy, dressing, green beans, mashed potatoes, and apple-cranberry dessert.  For a memorable Thankshallowxmas plop these in front of your guests for a truly nostalgic experience.

All you will need to pull off this prank is Oreos (small or large) and white toothpaste.  Eat the icing from the cookie, squirt some toothpaste on each cookie, add the lid and voila- toothpaste Oreos.  For best results let your cookie surprise sit out for a half an hour or so to let the toothpaste harden up a little. 

Our holiday festivities tend to highlight the Halloween of Thankshallowxmas.  Black is a perpetually fashionable color because it goes with everything. Black out your Thankshallowxmas meal with black bread, squid-ink pasta, black sushi, and black velvet cake.  Go to Forkley for 13 Black Foods That Will Bring You to the Darkside. 

Feeling reclusive, then just stay home. With these Thanksgiving Gumballs you can enjoy the tastes of Thankshallowxmas without all the fuss, and you can do so any time of year without Aunt Clara telling story after story about her 42 cats.  Try them and you'll be thankful!  Find these gumballs and other delectable flavors such as lobster, pickle and mac-n-cheese at my favorite store, Archie McPhee.